Symptoms persisted, and this time they had arrived unannounced. Problems with money followed. I’d bought goods amounting to £52. Counting out the payment, I counted £102. When the seller highlighted my error, I passed it off that I thought I had counted £10 notes rather than the £20s. I knew then this was an issue.
Fear centred around being unable to stop symptoms progressing and knowing there was no help available. It seemed that my previous efforts had achieved a delay but not prevention. In November 2018, I experienced the third neurological incident, which was much worse than before. I couldn’t stand up straight when I tried to walk. My body leaned to the right and maintained that position throughout the day. It was time to share my concerns with Ian.
A painful tummy took me back to nutritional medicine. I went back to my GP due to cognitive issues, but blood tests continued to produce no answers. I still felt I had to inform my doctor. If symptoms persisted, I might run out of luck one day. If I didn’t recover, at least I’d tried to get help.
I’d changed to a water filter, reduced plastic use, and my diet was 90% organic. Eco-friendly cosmetics and a reduction in perfume and hairspray use were added. Sometimes not knowing is worse, and my resolve broke a few times. I wondered if I had environmental illness because of insecticide exposure, as this had occurred previously. What was happening in my brain when I fell over and during sleep? It felt like there was no point in searching again. It was time to tell close friends I was having symptoms.
I had always thought I would never leave the church, even though my beliefs had differed from church doctrine. An incident, though, led me to decide it was time to honour them, and I found great comfort in doing things my way. I consider myself spiritual and sometimes wish I’d dared to step into my own beliefs earlier.Using cards for guidance isn’t a usual practice for me. But as I fell in and out of despair, overwhelmed as the reality of my symptoms hit home, I considered consulting Archangel Michael’s cards. I offered a prayer for help, and the card I drew read: This is Your Life Purpose.
Many of us in the alternative therapy field may consider we have a purpose in this lifetime – not from spiritual ego, but from a genuine desire to help. My life has often been overwhelming, and I’d accepted I’d missed the boat for being of more service in the healing field. But here I was, with an Archangel I felt close to conveying a life purpose.It was a purpose I didn’t want, though. I had symptoms nobody wants. To have lived through often unfortunate experiences this time around, contemplating leaving it like THIS was too much to bear. I wept. As I cried, for some reason I thought of Jesus in Gethsemane, asking for the fate that awaited him to be taken away. I didn’t have the grace to say, “Let God’s will be done.” I was too busy howling, “P-L-E-A-S-E... take it away.”
